Enologist Humor

I just returned from the annual ASEV trade show and conference, in Portland. The show has been slowing down over the last few years, and during the 2007 event the organizers announced that 2008 would be its last hurrah. (The annual meeting will take a different form next year, without the trade show part of the event.) As a result, 2008 trade show attendance was painfully S-L-O-W. At one point I spotted a couple of exhibitors watching a TV screen in their booth with rapt attention--only the TV was showing psychedelic squiggly lines, rather than any actual programming. Now that's boredom.

On a semi-humorous note, I overheard an interesting conversation on the plane ride from Oakland to Portland. The woman behind me, who was apparently giving a presentation at the conference, asked her companion to help her come up with a joke about Brettanomyces. They made a few lame attempts, then gave it up as hopeless.

Being the smart-ass that I am, I became determined to come up with a Brett joke, find this woman at the Portland convention center and pass the joke on to her just in time to make her presentation the hit of the show. (I have small dreams.) I never did find her, but here's the joke in case you're ever in need:

Two Brettanomyces walk into a bar. One of them orders a glass of red wine, jumps in, and starts swimming around. After a while he calls out to his buddy: “Hey Brett! Come on in—the wine is fine!” So Brett does a cannonball into the glass, splashing wine all over the bar, and the two friends start goofing around, dunking each other and having a great old time. The bartender looks over, sees the mess they’re making and yells, “Hey you two, quit horsing around! Were you born in a barn-yard?”

 

Yeah, I know: It's pretty terrible. But could you do any better? I hereby challenge you to post a Brett joke of your own. Come on: It's the yeast you can do!

Comments

[Greg]

The woman you are talking about who gave the presentation on Brett is a friend of mine and I just sent her the link to this post. She was laughing when I told her about your joke.

Greg

[winebroad]

That's hilarious. I hope she'll post a critique of my joke!

[Blind Muscat]

OK, try this:

Two Brettanomyces walk into a bar. The first one asks the bartender, “Got any wine that smells like Band-Aids?” The bartender says, “Sure, here’s a nicely medicinal Merlot, got 91 points.” The second Brettanomyces says, “I could use a glass of something barnyardy.” And the bartender says, “Here’s just the ticket – a Zinfandel that really reeks, er, rocks; got great reviews.”

Then Robert Parker walks into the bar, sits down, and says, “I’ll have whatever they’re drinking.”

[Tish]

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Brett.
Brett Who?
Brettanomyces!
Oh, hi. I thought it was a horse for a minute.

[Arthur]

Blind Muscat

That is hillarious!

[winebroad]

BM: Not bad at all! The addition of Robert Parker was good stuff.

[Tish]

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bob.
Bob Who?
Bob Parker.
{silence}
Hello? Knock-knock-knock..

[Pippo Link]

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"